Voyaging Beyond the Storm: Grief and the Power of Grace
Ruth Ann Stites, Staff Writer, with Rosa Floyd, Guest Writer
In the summer of 2013, my mother passed away. My sisters and I shared responsibilities that summer, but one thing I had to relinquish was taking part in our church’s Summer in the Park program. This was a weekly VBS-styled outreach held in a city park. I helped with producing the material we used, but I was nowhere to be seen until the very last day. One of the moms who had taken part in this ministry for several years asked me where I’d been all summer in a slightly accusatory tone. She was not a member of our church, thus unaware of our situation that summer. When I told her, her attitude changed to that of sympathy for me and my family. I see this as an example of grace meeting our grief.
We often have no idea of the turmoil and difficulties affecting someone we know, but that doesn’t mean we can’t extend grace when we realize we have entered into their grief. Being an agent of grace comes in many forms. Some are formalized in rituals such as funerals. But many are far more spontaneous. We find many opportunities to encourage, support, and mourn with those around us if we are attentive to the cues we see in others. Sometimes it’s sharing a moment that encourages in a more profound way than we intended.
A dear friend recently shared a story that makes the point. She and another friend were out kayaking when an unexpected storm made its appearance. They paddled like mad for safety, but my friend was lagging. Her companion cheered and chivvied her on to reach their goal, which they did. But this episode had a deeper lesson. When we go through trials, there are things only we can do (relying on the Lord’s strength) – paddle like mad for the safety of the dock, for example. But we cannot, and should not, do it alone. We all need community alongside us in the storms of life – people who cheer us on, who remind us we have to keep going
Not every stress in our lives comes from sorrowful circumstances. The majority opinion is that Paul had the ecstatic experience he described in the 12th chapter of 2nd Corinthians.
I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows—was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell. (2 Corinthians 12:1-5)
He continued with his thoughts on the futility of boasting about oneself, even when true. For Paul the thing to be proud of was what most of us would find discouraging, our weaknesses.
I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, or because of these surpassingly great revelations. (2 Corinthians 12:6-7a)
Paul saw his physical ailment, generally considered a reference to an eye condition, as a torment from Satan, yes, but allowed by God for his benefit. Paul’s grievous circumstances gave him a heavenly perspective. His grief had become a grace lavished upon him.
Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:7b-10)
To receive the power of grace in our suffering, we must let others in. We see Paul do this in asking for prayer in the middle of his trials:
I appeal to you, brothers, by our Lord Jesus Christ and by the love of the Spirit, to strive together with me in your prayers to God on my behalf, that I may be delivered from the unbelievers in Judea, and that my service for Jerusalem may be acceptable to the saints, so that by God’s will I may come to you with joy and be refreshed in your company. (Romans 15:30-32)
He delivered us from so great a risk of death, and he will deliver us. We have set our hope on him that he will deliver us yet again, as you also join in helping us by prayer, so that many people may give thanks to God on our behalf for the gracious gift given to us through the help of many. (2 Corinthians 1:10-11)
To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak. (Ephesians 6:17b-20)
In addition, Paul let others into his personal needs in the ministry:
But I thought it necessary to send to you Epaphroditus, my brother and fellow worker and fellow soldier, who is also your messenger and minister to my need;…But I have received everything in full and have an abundance; I am amply supplied, having received from Epaphroditus what you have sent, a fragrant aroma, an acceptable sacrifice, well-pleasing to God. (Phillippians 2:25; 4:18)
We have a choice to let grace enter our grief and change us in unexpected ways or to let bitterness and anger change us into people who find it hard to believe in grace at all. We will only do this by letting others in through prayer and practical help, giving them the chance to “cheer us on” as we row to shore.
It’s your choice: Which kind of person do you want to be?
(Photo credit: Amber Hallam, Lake Fayetteville, Fayetteville, AR)
