Loving Ourselves in Humility
Ruth Ann Stites, Staff Writer
Back in reflection seventeen I wrote about visiting my parent’s graves on Memorial Day in “Nothing Says ‘I Love You’ Like….” I quoted Jesus in His answer concerning the greatest commandment and His commentary on the second as well, that we are to love others like ourselves. I wrote that the Apostle Paul gave us a “check-list” of qualities to tell how well we implement the love of God in our lives in First Corinthians. In that post I wrote:
First, how do you stack up on treating yourself with patience, kindness, and forbearance, and are you easily angered or hold grudges? Then, are you treating others as you should be treating yourself? Those are questions we can seek answers for, and loving qualities we can practice with diligence and share with abandon…if we will obey Jesus’ second commandment.
When I look at the people of this world, both those who believe in Jesus and those who don’t, I see a lack of the proper kind of love for themselves as described in 1 Corinthians 13. Let’s take a look at the final action of verse 4, “…it [love] is not proud.” How many people do you know who have a problem with pride—both in too much and, also, I would suggest, with too little?
Proverbs 16:18 makes it clear that pride leads to destruction. James quotes Proverbs 3:34 when he says:
Or do you think Scripture says without reason that he jealously longs for the spirit he has caused to dwell in us? But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
“God opposes the proud
but shows favor to the humble.”
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you (James 4:5-7).
The prideful person is imitating someone besides Jesus who, as Philippians 2:6-8 puts it, “humbled himself.” This is the person who imitates Satan whose, “heart became proud” (Ezekiel 27:17).[1]
The prideful person needs to express love to himself or herself by dealing with pride as a sin. Knowing that “God opposes the proud” (James 4:6) and that we are to acknowledge the greatness of our God (Jeremiah 9:23-24), we “walk humbly with [our] God” (Micah 6:7-9).
On the other hand, some people suffer from what modern psychology calls low self-esteem. This is the person who has a negative view of their life and purpose. They focus on all their shortcomings and weaknesses, they are crippled in their actions by fear, they are insecure, and can never accept a compliment at face value. This is the person who finds refuge in self-criticism and people-pleasing rather than risk failure from new experiences or challenges. This person does not connect with Biblical wisdom in a meaningful way. They just can’t make real in their experience such verses as Philippians 4:13, “I can do all this through him who gives me strength” or 2 Timothy 1:7 “or the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.” They need to love themselves by renouncing fear and seeking true humility…and may require professional help to do so.
Before we move on, there is one more category of the prideful, the insincerely humble. Do you remember reading Charles Dickens’ David Copperfield? If so, you may remember the character of Uriah Heep, the “very humble” clerk whose creepy humility covered a malicious intent. False piety, pride masquerading as humility, was a sin Jesus spoke against as in Matthew 23:27-28, “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of the bones of the dead and everything unclean. In the same way, on the outside you appear to people as righteous but on the inside you are full of hypocrisy and wickedness.” Of all the sins of pride, this may be the worst for it hides behind the appearance of virtue. If we need to love ourselves in this state, we may need to discover exactly how repugnant such an attitude is to God. But, happy truth, for the individual as well as the nation, 2 Chronicles 7:14 is true, “[I]f my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” Or, having seen a tendency to Heepism, embrace Romans 8. In verses 1 and 2 Paul writes, “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.” Even the hypocrites of this world can learn to love themselves humbly.
Now comes the truly exciting part. As we learn to love ourselves humbly, we can begin to love others humbly as well. Pride loosens its grip on us so we can reach out to others with a gentle and humble spirit to meet them where they are…just like Jesus did. “Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matt. 11:29).
(Photo credit: R. A. Stites, Memorial Park, Bentonville, AR)
